Youre A Grocery Store Delivery Boy. Can You Deliver A Pound Of Ground Beef To The Astronauts On The International Space Station?

Grocery Store: Home of Food. This is where you work in your job as Delivery Boy.

The name of the grocery store where you work is SUPERMARKET. Its one of the most well-known chains of grocery stores in the world. SUPERMARKET is famous for its commitment to quality and its staggering worldwide popularity. In fact, in many places, when people hear the words grocery store, the first thing they think is SUPERMARKET. You should be honored to work here.

As World War II raged on, our nations president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt (no relation to previous president Theodore Roosevelt) was feeling depressed because Pearl Harbor had happened, and he was thinking about surrendering World War II. When all seemed lost, Adam SUPERMARKET, that stupendous soldier monkey, marched into the Oval Office and revealed his glamorous ape tits to Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and of course the sight of those magnificent tits-of-the-ape cured FDR of his polio and pumped his legs full of dark electricity once again. Once FDR was cured of his polio, he was finally able to kick himself in the head hard enough to forget about the horrific events of Pearl Harbor. This made FDR feel better and gave him the emotional strength to fight World War II against the Mussolini Twins.

The grocery store called SUPERMARKET was named after the luxurious battle ape named Adam SUPERMARKET, who fought in World War II.

For his service to our nation and in recognition of his opulent simian battle-tits, Adam SUPERMARKET received the Congressional Medal of Helpful Monkey and had a nationwide chain of grocery stores named after him.

Great question. A Delivery Boy does not have to be a boy. The job did not get its name because the Delivery Boy is always a boy. It got its name because when you bring people a DELIVERY of food, they always shout, Oh BOY! Its food!

As you can see, in the picture above, the Delivery Boy is a woman, and she is delivering the food of raw swordfish to the worlds biggest movie star, David.

Its your boss, the one thats in charge of you. Your boss has a name, and that name is Cuss Word Cuss Word.

Delivery Boy! Arrive to me and get over here! he demands.

You walk over to your boss so as to become closer to him in terms of distance.

Delivery Boy, welcome to being closer to me, says your boss. As you know, my name is Cuss Word Cuss Word. We just got a delivery order. We just got a letter from the International Space Station, which is in space.

Cuss Word Cuss Word hands you a piece of paper.

Wow. Looks like youve got to deliver a pound of ground beef to the International Space Station so that they can drop it on a spider! Will you do it?

You decide not to go to space to bring meat to the astronauts. Your boss Cuss Word Cuss Word is so ashamed that he pulls a lever and a 3,000-ton oak tree that has Space Coward carved into it falls from the ceiling and crushes you.

Cuss Word Cuss Word pulls a second lever and a 3,000-ton oak tree that has Cuss Word Cuss Word carved into it falls from the ceiling and crushes him.

The End.

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Its a normal day at the grocery store. As the Delivery Boy, you are sitting around waiting for someone to demand food from you so that you can go bring it to their house. All of a sudden, you hear a voice yell, Hey! Delivery Boy!

Yes, its a beautiful story for sure.

Anyway, its a normal day at the grocery store. As the Delivery Boy, you are sitting around waiting for someone to demand food from you so that you can go bring it to their house. All of a sudden, you hear a voice yell, Hey! Delivery Boy!

All right, well, not every story about medicinal ape tits in wartime can be a winner. We apologize.

Anyway, its a normal day at the grocery store. As the Delivery Boy, you are sitting around waiting for someone to demand food from you so that you can go bring it to their house. All of a sudden, you hear a voice yell, Hey! Delivery Boy!

Okay. Well, legends of war apes and their medicinal tits arent for everyone. Sorry.

Anyway, its a normal day at the grocery store. As the Delivery Boy, you are sitting around waiting for someone to demand food from you so that you can go bring it to their house. All of a sudden, you hear a voice yell, Hey! Delivery Boy!

This is amazing news! says Cuss Word Cuss Word. Its an honor to be your boss! Please hold out your hand to receive a heaping pile of ground beef.

Cuss Word Cuss Word hands you a toppling pile of the least-cooked ground beef imaginable. You put your ear very close to the beef and are pretty sure you hear it mumble the word strong.

All right! Youre ready to go to the International Space Station and deliver this beef to the astronauts! How would you like to get to space?

You walk into the SpaceX headquarters at the mall. Elon Musk is working at the cash register. Uhhh…gluhhhh… says Elon Musk.

Yes…space…ships…we have got…a space…ship…shes…a beautiful…lady, says Elon Musk. At SpaceX we have got…space…ships. We have got…comets…and…a snail…for sale. He nods to himself and smiles.

Yes…to space we can…send the hair…of…pig…to live with…the Moon…and a snail…is for sale… says Elon Musk.

Delivery Boy, everybody knows that when you want to get to space, the place to go is the public launchpads behind the library, says Cuss Word Cuss Word, your religious boss. The public launchpads are the part of the city where people can climb into rocket ships whenever they want and catapult themselves into space for free. I myself often use the public rockets ships to blast into space so that I can look down at Earth through a telescope and watch myself go to the toilet on Earth while I wave to myself from space.

Cuss Word Cuss Word thinks in silence for a moment, attempting to come up with any advice he can offer you to aid you on your journey through the cosmos. Suddenly, he smiles, and his eyes light up.

Heres some advice for you: When Im up there in space and Im watching myself go to the toilet down on Earth, I feel so wonderful, he says. I love to be in space while watching myself sitting on the toilet on Earth and Im so small and so far away, and I wave to myself from space while I watch myself accomplish great feats of toilet and feel just terrific to see me do it, and one time while I was in space watching myself go to the toilet on Earth, I saw a jaguar come into my bathroom and eat me right off the toilet.

Cuss Word Cuss Word smiles at you. Hes very proud that he was able to give you advice about traveling in space.

Elon Musk takes you to the back of the SpaceX store and shows you the main SpaceX spaceship. He points at it proudly and climbs inside.

Elon Musk launches himself into space and is never seen again.

You carry your pile of beef down to the citys public launchpads behind the library. Most of the shuttles are in use, but it looks like theres one vacant one here. Its the worst oneyou can tell because people keep pointing at the rocket and whispering to their friends, Theres the worst rocket ship in the whole world, and their friends keep whispering back, Yes, its well-known that this is the worst and most dangerous rocket ship in the whole area. Ive heard its so dangerous that its already exploded, and is even exploding right now as we speak.

You look around the public launchpads for a new spaceship, but it looks like your only other option is a man wearing a T-shirt that says Rockets Shipp on it. Do not come anywhere near me! he screams to nobody in particular. He smiles broadly and his eyes are filled with joy. Nobody get within a million miles of me!

Looks like you have no choice but to use the terrible spaceship.

You climb inside the spaceship and look around. The spaceship is filled with science fiction. Its even got holograms and machines. This is the perfect kind of spaceship for traveling to the farthest reaches of the solar system.

After some careful consideration, you decide that even if it is the worst spaceship in the world, it will have to do. You climb inside the spaceship and look around. Its filled with science fiction. Its even got holograms and machines. This is the perfect kind of spaceship for traveling to the farthest reaches of the solar system.

You switch on the spaceship, and a disconcerting computer face flashes to life. Good morning, Delivery Boy, says the computer face. My name is C.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y. You can call me Cy for short. I am your ships computerized navigation device. I understand that our mission is to deliver a pile of beef to the International Space Station. If I were capable of feeling human emotion, I would currently be experiencing the emotion that humans call ambivalence regarding a beef-related space journey. I am dedicated to making sure this mission succeeds no matter what. Please say a command.

C.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y.Y. is an acronym that stands for Computer Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes.

Wait, Delivery Boy. Before you initiate launch sequence, you should watch this video about space travel safety. Without it, you will die, and if I were capable of emotion, I would feel the emotion that humans call shrugging about the death of a space traveler.

Understood, says Cy. Now initiating the instructional video titled Safe: A Nice Thing To Be In Space.

CUSS WORD CUSS WORD: Hello. Im Cuss Word Cuss Word. Im a Delivery Boys boss, and yes, Im religious. Today were going to talk about being safe in space. Space can be a wonderful place to kiss a pirate in secret, but it can also be a place where Death becomes your wife. Your…permanent wife. Thats why its important to remember these important safety things about space.

CUSS WORD CUSS WORD: Hello. Now I am holding more of the vegetable than ever before. Lets talk about the first thing of space safety: the Seatbelt. The Seatbelt is the enemy of Death. When Death sees the Seatbelt, Deaths penis falls off and turns into smoke. Its important to always have the Seatbelt when you are in space, or else you will become the wife of Death. I believe deeply in a multitude of fucked-up gods, each one fatter than the last. Now Im going to hand things off to my boyfriend, Grover from Sesame Street, who is going to talk about egg safety in space.

GROVER: Hello, I am Grover. Cuss Word Cuss Word from the grocery store is one of my many boyfriends, and every time we fuck the sun gets dimmer. Do not go to space to suck the raw yolk out of a shark egg. It is not safe.

GROVER: One time, I, Grover the Problem Puppet, once did travel to space while holding a shark, and when the shark got to space, he looked at me and said, Oh, Grover! Here come my eggs! and the sharks belly burst open and thousands of eggs spilled out of his belly.

The eggs of the shark were big like ostrich eggs, and I cracked them open and sucked out the dark black yolk of the raw eggs. It made my eyes grow big and I became able to see tomorrow. Things seemed great. But then the germs that lived in the eggs conquered my guts and I had no choice but to barf.

Now, to wrap things up, Im going to pass it on back to Cuss Word Cuss Word.

CUSS WORD CUSS WORD: Lets wrap up what weve learned today:

1) Wear the Seatbelt.
2) Do not suck the black raw yolk out of sharks eggs, or your only option will be barf.

Goodbye.

The End.

Preliminary safety procedures have been COMPLETED, says Cy. What would you like to do now, Delivery Boy?

Preliminary safety precautions have been obliterated, says Cy. What would you like to do now, Delivery Boy?

Preliminary safety video has now been violently canceled, says Cy. What would you like to do now, Delivery Boy?

Warning, says Cy. You are about to launch into space without engaging the Seatbelt. This is one of the two dangerous things that you can do in space. Are you sure that you want to proceed?

Despite Cys warnings, you decide to launch your spaceship without activating your Seatbelt. As soon as you press the launch button, Earth explodes on account of no Seatbelt. Humanity lets out a collective cry of anguish that is quickly silenced in the flames. You are blasted into a trillion pieces and get sent to jail for blowing up the world. You die six years later surrounded by your favorite athletes, including Soccer James and Home Run Woman Sr.

The heat from the Earth exploding cooks your pile of raw beef into delicious cooked beef that gets eaten by birds. The birds are then killed when the Earth explodes.

You failed to deliver your pile of ground beef to the astronauts on the International Space Station, and plus, on top of that, you died.

The End.

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Now engaging the Seatbelt, says Cy. The door to the spaceship opens, and an old man holding a cars steering wheel sits down in a chair. An automated Seatbelt wraps itself around the mans waist. Then, a hatch in the ceiling of the spaceship opens up, and the mans entire chair is launched through the roof and into the sky. The man screams as he catapults through the air.

Seatbelt has been engaged, reports Cy.

With the staggering force of nine apes, your spaceship jumps off of the Earth and into space. Oh shit, were moving so fucking fast. Hell yeah, Cy says calmly in an emotionless computer voice as you blast through the clouds. If I could experience human emotion, I would currently be feeling the emotion of mens hooray.

You go faster and faster and higher and higher. It is the thrill of space flight and its whatever. You feel like a God and you could take it or leave it. The big pile of raw beef that youre holding is jiggling with the forces, and youre pretty sure you can hear it mumble, Im a pile of beef on my way to space, and thats neither good nor bad.

The spaceship is doing rocket-ship stuff, and the ground is getting smaller and smaller, and the stars are getting closer and closer, and then suddenly…

Suddenly youre in space, baby! Welcome to the cosmos!

Beef Status: bland. says Cy.

We are now in space, Delivery Boy, says Cy. I await further commands.

Now traveling to the planet Moon, says your computer pal. We are supposed to be going to the International Space Station and not to the Moon, so if I were capable of human emotion, I would currently be feeling the famous human feeling emotion called womans confusion about why we are on our way to the Moon. However, since I am a computer, I cannot feel such an emotion, and I will take you to the Moon without complaining.

You have arrived on the surface of the Moon. To the NORTH, you can hear the sound of a man standing around. To the WEST, you can hear the sound of two men shaking hands.

The directions EAST and SOUTH do not exist on the Moon.

You follow the sound of a man standing around and find a man standing around. He is staring at the Earth. Ah! Space! you hear the man say to himself.