What Your Wedding Dress Silhouette Says About You & How Insufferable You Are

He popped the question, you Insta’ed and Snapped that shit, and now comes the planning, the stress, the different colored napkins, the fucking flowers, the bridesmaids, the food…and of course, the literal most important part of planning: choosing the dress.

We’ve all watched enough fucking times to acknowledge Randy’s place as our spirit animal and the dress’s place as what everyone will be staring at. You could think you’re really leaning toward one silhouette, but you could be wrong. As in every facet of your life, we’re here to guide you. You wouldn’t just pick a princess, strapless, sweetheart silhouette without asking your friends first, right? Right.

1. The Ball Gown

Fitted bodice and flared at the waist for a full skirt—this is the shit every bride under the age of 20 buys. ? Ball gowns. People who like to pretend they’re princesses? Ball gowns. Child brides and virgins? Ball gowns. Home-schooled jungle freaks? You get the idea. Honestly, I find this shit childish and tacky, which, if that’s what you’re going for during your carnival themed, pizza-catered wedding in the Elks Lodge, go for it. If you’re poor, I get it. This shit seems expensive for those who thought a night at Golden Corral was a big-time treat. 

2. The A-Line

This dress has a fitted bodice through the waist and flows to the ground, resembling an uppercase “A.” I have no real issue with this shit, aside from the fact that it’s boring. If you have a stellar body and have been #sweatingforthewedding for a year, dropped a shit ton of weight, and resemble a part-time model (but only part-time), show that shit off in a more revealing silhouette. If you have a small upstairs and still THICC downstairs, though, an A-line is great for you. Show off dem boobies, as my idiot husband would say. This is also a great dress for virgins not afraid to expose the wrist and ankle.

3. The Mermaid

Fitted from ya titties down to the knee, then, like Ariel’s magical green flippers, flares out. This shit works v well if you are a size 00 yet still have a nice hourglass frame (who are you people?). Also works well if you moonlight as a Victoria’s Secret model. Unfortunately, if the aforementioned does not apply to you, then you should probably not buy this kind of dress. Your family members will tell you you look magical, when really you look like a sausage squeezed into a too-small bag. Flaunt what you’ve got, but ain’t nobody wanna see you spilling out of a white-ish dress.

4. The Sheath

Are you a wannabe 40s movie star who had a little too much fun in theater and choir growing up? Have you newly discovered satin? The sheath is likely what you’re leaning toward. This is a dress that has a narrow shape that flows straight down the neckline to the hemline. Who can ACTUALLY wear this shit? If you’re super tall, super thin, or very petite with an hourglass figure, this shit will WERRRKKKK. However, if you’re super short and chubby OR very tall with an athletic build or just like, a normal fucking human, probs not for you. This dress is NOT forgiving, i.e., you cannot hide your pudge where you store extra cookies, feel me?

5. The Tea-Length

“Hi! I like to pretend everything is retro and cool, and my house is oddly era-specific and mid-century modern, AND I have a lot of cats and love reading!” Here’s your dress, weirdo. Tea-length dresses fall between the ankle and knee and, shockingly, work for almost every body type. However, we find them weird and kind of overly trendy. Like, if you’re having a 50s themed wedding in an abandoned diner in Brooklyn, ya, this will work. You’re also hipster scum, but w/e.

6. The Trumpet/Fit ‘N Flare

Unlike your mermaid gown, this shit is a straight bodice (doesn’t hug like a mermaid) which flares out toward the bottom, giving you a skirt like—YOU GUESSED IT—a trumpet, starting around your knees. This is a great option if you want to show off curves while actually dancing and shit. Downside—it will NOT hide your tummy pooch, so don’t go inhaling all the shit at the dessert table. Liquid diet it is.

7. The Empire Waist

If you want to pretend you’re an ancient Greek goddess and/or wow your obsessed soon-to-be, this is the dress for you. Great for those who have stellar racks but not-so-stellar thighs, hips, stomachs, etc., aka many of us. Personally, this shit feels a lil too boho hippie chic for us, but if you’re into flower power and communing with nature, this could be a great fit.

 

More From this publisher : HERE

 


RELATED PRODUCTS
  • With This Learn How To Create A Fun And Memorable Wedding Reception Even If You're A Novice.
  • This ebook includes tips, tricks, and price breakdowns to save money
  • Discover how fast and easy you can deliver an impressive best man speech with confidence
  • How to make a 1920s flapper style dress in only one hour.
  • Wedding photography blueprint is the most in-depth digital wedding photography tips
  • How To Kill The Crowd With Your Wedding Speech Even If You've Never Spoke In Public
  • Clickbank Ads
     

    If you like our content help us with a share… or two …  

    Also -  I have some free stuff for you .......

    Nr 1. In This FREE Report you can Discover:

    Secrets to acquiring the freshest, hottest leads via YouTube In-Stream ads quickly and easily! Best secret tips for the most effective targeting for your ads! Totally legal, but little-known method for literally stealing traffic from your competitors! Get more traffic to your videos and landing pages without spending a fortune! And much more - all within this special FREE report!

     

    Nr 2. Did you know you can Absolutely EXPLODE YOUR EMAIL LIST FOR FREE with UNTOUCHED offline sources?

     

    Nr 3. The #1 secret to becoming an affiliate superstar - Earn your first $100 online – without a dime to invest.

    If you’re still looking to “make it online – I have just the thing for you. It’s a video series that shows how to make your first $100 online – even if you don’t have a dime to invest. Yes – nothing.  Free.  Nada. Is this possible? You bet. It’s the most powerful system used by those “in the know”. Good things don’t have to be difficult. And they don’t only come to those who wait. Have A Look

     

    Nr 4. Top 10 Email Marketing Mistakes. Which of these mistakes do you make?

     

    Nr 5.  You can learn about : The hottest social networking site that will send an unlimited stampede of traffic to your site - for FREE! How to quickly locate a swarm of hungry buyers using "information portals"! The fast and easy way to use simple images to siphon targeted traffic, on command! Learn how to get the most possible traffic from Instagram, and make sure that traffic converts! And much more ...

     

    Nr 6. It’s no secret… Facebook is an incredible place to get tons of free, viral traffic. But… most people are going about it all wrong.  How many of these mistakes are you making? Download the free report to find out.

       

    Nr 7.  Special free report .  It's called "Operation Midas Touch" and you can download it here...

    The report features a surefire method for generating at least $1000 per week online,without a website or product of your own!

    Nr 8.  Instagram is still one of the hottest ways to get a LOT of traffic fast. All by sharing images. Sounds easy enough, yeah? Well, yes and no. If you want to really start driving a lot of  traffic and making sales using Instagram then you should download this report.

    Nr 9.  When it comes to creating a product online there are so many ways to approach it. Wouldn’t it be great to just get the meat of it all so you can get started faster? Well, the good news is, today you can download a guide called the Product Creation Formula Quickstart Guide. It’s as the title suggests - a Quickstart guide. You’ll get a list of action steps to take right away. Download your copy today !

    Nr 10. Would you like to finally USE all of that dusty PLR you have sitting around on your harddrive? Or maybe find the resources for the best PLR available - at the best prices? What about how to use that PLR to make you money with just a few minutes of work. Well, you’re not going to want to miss this!

      Nr 11. Buzzfeed’s top post has more than 21 million views. Think about that for a sec… ONE of their articles has had over 21 million people who have read it! And they have thousands of articles... what would you do with that kind of traffic? A friend of mine hacked their method and was able to use it to get 11,592 targeted new subscribers in 2 weeks on their very first attempt!

    Nr 12. Push notifications are one of today's hottest trends in website traffic and conversions, and for good reason. Studies have shown that as many as 40% of people will opt-in for push notifications, which is about TEN TIMES the rate of people who opt-in for emails! That’s huge! Not only that, but they're also highly effective at pulling clicks, as well. Some studies have shown CTR at an average of around 40%, with highs of as much as 80%! Again, that’s huge!

    Nr 13. Would you like to know how to get more money from the exact same number of website visitors you’re currently getting? Even if you’re website is getting as few as 1-2 visitors a day, this report will show you how to increase your profits using these few handy hacks.

    Nr 14. People have now realised that it's not the size of the list which matters, it's the quality. ... and the only way to create a quality list is by launching your own products. Let it be $7 ebooks, $17 info products, $27 video training product or software's... all of these work. My good friend Kevin Fahey has is revealing how he's launched over 20 products in the past 4 years, many of them top sellers. Needless to say he's banked a handsome amount in this time.

    Nr 15. Do you ever feel that the man you like or even love, just doesn't see you or desire you in way you want him to? Or... maybe you're able to get a man's attention though not the right kind of attention? Or... maybe you're still single because you wait and wait for men to approach you first? What you may not know is that the way we flirt will either attract the "wrong" man for us or the "right" man.

    Nr 16. When it comes to getting sales and leads online, there is ONE thing that 95% of marketers use... it's called a LIST. My friend Jimmy just released a free book that explains WHY a list is important and how YOU can build your own list. It's available right here (and it won't cost you a penny)

    Nr 17. If you have tried everything, and still aren't able to get your Ex back, then you need to pay attention.

    Nr 18. What if I told you that you could make ANY woman WANT to do ANYTHING for you? Would you think I'm crazy? Well... what If I told you that you could also make her LOVE every minute of it and come back for more?

       

    Nr 19. I have a special free plugin for you today. It's called "Covert Hover Mini"

    This plugin will triple your blog traffic by compelling your visitors to share your images on social media. This is some really clever stuff and it works like a charm. After you grab your free plugin, don't  forget to read the free bonus report as it will show exactly how and why this strategy works like crazy.

    Nr 20. The days of being able to get away with a basic WP theme and a pic or two are gone, your site needs to look good. Even Google are looking for you to have engaging graphics on your site. But getting good quality graphics made for your site is a pain, AND it will cost you both time and money (if you outsource it). But I have a special free download for you today. A virtual treasure chest of over 21K profit pulling graphics you can start sing today to generate more traffic & sales!

    Nr 21. 20 professional full HD background videos. These background videos are perfect for giving your videos that extra kick they need to stand out from the crowd Oh yeah they are in full 1080p HD too, I hope you'll enjoy them.

    Nr 22. If you've ever failed to create a WordPress site of your own or typically waste hours & even weeks trying to figure it all out on your own....

    Nr 23. No doubt, you've seen all of the video launches lately! There is a reason for it... Video marketing is a GREAT way to make money, and with the recent creation tools making it super accessable for anyone to get started... It's no surprise that more people are making videos. However... there is a missing element to most video marketing products...

    Nr 24. For the first time ever... You can get the straight scoop on how someone is selling over $1,000,000/year of t-shirts on Facebook!

    Use them  .... and have fun !