This Theory About Rose And Jack In ‘Titanic’ Will Have You Shooketh

Get ready to party like it’s 1997, because is being re-released in theaters. Because the only way to make Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” more of a tearjerker is with surround sound. Starting December 1, select AMC Theaters will show a re-mastered version of the movie. This is a major upgrade from having to watch the movie on two VHS tapes in 2002. James Cameron has decided this edition is “the best-looking version of .” IDK, but I’m pretty sure the best-looking version of was any time anybody looked at it before it hit the iceberg. If the entire theater doesn’t scream “there is room for Jack too” when Rose selfishly hogs the door, you should be entitled to a full refund.

Besides the obvious appeal to millennials who love the film but were too young to have seen it on the big screen (RT if you were closer to Cora’s age than Rose’s), is just a phenomenal movie. If you disagree with me, I’ll direct you to the 11 Academy Awards and the $2.2 billion it’s made since being released. Depending on how many people buy tickets for the re-release, could beat as the highest grossing film of all time. That’s great and all, but I just really need more screen time for the vastly underrated third class Irishman Jack is friends with.

Anyway, to celebrate the movie event of 2017 (sorry, ) and the film that has given more to pop culture than the entire Kardashian-Jenner family, here is an honest re-telling of .

is all about a cruise full of rich British people coming to America to spread teatime and eccentric hats. And though this cruise also brought some povos, that problem was solved when they hit an iceberg and oops, we only brought enough lifeboats for the rich people! Like a 1912 version of Occupy Wall Street, the poor bros on the ship refused to shut the fuck up and had to annoy the rich people into giving them life vests, despite the very generous offer to have violins playing while they drowned.

Let’s talk about Rose. During this four hour film she sports no less than six different last names, but she starts off the movie not as a betch, but as a boring bitch. Aside from being named Rose after like, everybody’s great-grandma, she’s also from the unbetchy city of Philadelphia and only marrying control freak Billy Zane because she’s in debt. Technically, this makes her even more poor than Jack, but she’s not into Billy no matter how many heart necklaces he gives her. Your standard betch would’ve gone for fuckboy Zane and wouldn’t really be into the whole idea of “spitting really far” as a fun date. Also, no betch would be that good with an axe.

And come on, you dropped the Heart of the Ocean necklace off the dock? Are you dumb?! Do you know how many Birkins you can buy with that thing? Probably one, but still. We know because we’ve seen on those infomercials that you can get it in 45 installments of $22.99, so it’s clearly very elite and expensive.

But Rose’s inner betch emerges, starting with her overdramatic suicide attempt. Like, chill attention whore, there’s no way you’re gonna do it, there’s three hours of movie left! Some time around the two hour mark she perfects dressing like a slut in expensive jewelry, and by the end she’s completely turned, letting Jack die while she takes a snooze on her little raft. Like what, they couldn’t switch off? Bitch couldn’t give it to him for like, a minute and a half? When she said never let go, she meant as long as her fingers were toasty.

Anyway, R and J’s five day affair has since been named the most romantic movie of like, life. But it’s interesting to us that everyone seems to think that Jack is all perfect because he’s really hot, good in bed, and a nice guy with a soul. Au contraire losers, don’t be fooled by his shitty clothes and artsy charcoal sketches. Jack is your typical fuckboy disguised in bohemian garb. He would have really thrived in present-day Bushwick.

Ever notice how Jack constantly calls Rose out for a being a bitch, makes her jealous of his hot Paris prostitutes, and conveniently gets it in by day four? We get that they were distracted by the iceberg after their really classy car tryst, but we promise he wasn’t THAT into her after she gave it up. Take this post-coital exchange, right before the iceberg hits:

Rose: When the ship docks, I’m getting off with you.

Jack: This is crazy.

Rose: I know. It doesn’t make any sense. That’s why I trust it. *Cue making out*

See how he doesn’t really answer because he never actually invited her to come? SHADY.

Take this other example of his undying shadiness, even as he’s about to literally die.

Rose: I love you, Jack.

Jack: Don’t you do that, don’t say your goodbyes. Not yet, do you understand me?

Jack’s body temperature is probs rounding 50 at this point, and he’s still beating around the bush. Kind of an inspiration to the fuckboy cause that he remained this committed even in the face of death, but also like, no. If Jack had somehow miraculously survived, delusional-ass Rose would’ve been on the chase for years. The bro was 20, for fuck’s sake! She was 17! Crazy Cakes also told the guy at the end of the movie that her name was Rose Dawson. Did she really think this was like, a lifetime thing? We’d go so far to say he willingly gave her the door to lay on because he’d rather die than settle down before 30.

Don’t agree? You mad we ruined your favorite romance? Don’t want to believe it?  aka shows us what a (boring as fuck) shit show their marriage would’ve been. So when you see again, pay careful attention to Jack’s game. Typical shit from your typical fuckboy on his typical vaca. We’d bet a third class ticket on the Titanic that his dying thoughts on that icy Atlantic night went something like: Fuck, this is some lose-lose shit, it’s either die now or move in for life with a bitch I fucked once on Spring Break. Pop a Xanny, Rose—your heart will go on.

More From this publisher : HERE


  • A Complete Guitar Training Program that Will Give You A Crash Course On Guitar Theory.
  • Learn the secrets and become a professional guitar player
  • Join Our Community To Learn All About Commodity Trading And Show Off Your Trading Skills
  • Change Your Mind, Change Your Life Influence Your Mind and Others.
  • Discover The Secrets To Generate Massive Windfalls Of Wealth By Hacking Your Brain
  • Discover A New Way Of Thinking and New Ways Of Achieving Anything You Want In Life.
  • Packed full of the info you need for profitable horse racing
  • ApeSurvival is all about survival and self-defense products, tips and news.
  • Put small animated peel image at the top corner right or left on webpage
  • Clickbank Ads

    If you like our content help us with a share… or two …  

    Also -  I have some free stuff for you .......

    Nr 1. In This FREE Report you can Discover:

    Secrets to acquiring the freshest, hottest leads via YouTube In-Stream ads quickly and easily! Best secret tips for the most effective targeting for your ads! Totally legal, but little-known method for literally stealing traffic from your competitors! Get more traffic to your videos and landing pages without spending a fortune! And much more - all within this special FREE report!


    Nr 2. Did you know you can Absolutely EXPLODE YOUR EMAIL LIST FOR FREE with UNTOUCHED offline sources?


    Nr 3. The #1 secret to becoming an affiliate superstar - Earn your first $100 online – without a dime to invest.

    If you’re still looking to “make it online – I have just the thing for you. It’s a video series that shows how to make your first $100 online – even if you don’t have a dime to invest. Yes – nothing.  Free.  Nada. Is this possible? You bet. It’s the most powerful system used by those “in the know”. Good things don’t have to be difficult. And they don’t only come to those who wait. Have A Look


    Nr 4. Top 10 Email Marketing Mistakes. Which of these mistakes do you make?


    Nr 5.  You can learn about : The hottest social networking site that will send an unlimited stampede of traffic to your site - for FREE! How to quickly locate a swarm of hungry buyers using "information portals"! The fast and easy way to use simple images to siphon targeted traffic, on command! Learn how to get the most possible traffic from Instagram, and make sure that traffic converts! And much more ...


    Nr 6. It’s no secret… Facebook is an incredible place to get tons of free, viral traffic. But… most people are going about it all wrong.  How many of these mistakes are you making? Download the free report to find out.


    Nr 7.  Special free report .  It's called "Operation Midas Touch" and you can download it here...

    The report features a surefire method for generating at least $1000 per week online,without a website or product of your own!

    Nr 8.  Instagram is still one of the hottest ways to get a LOT of traffic fast. All by sharing images. Sounds easy enough, yeah? Well, yes and no. If you want to really start driving a lot of  traffic and making sales using Instagram then you should download this report.

    Nr 9.  When it comes to creating a product online there are so many ways to approach it. Wouldn’t it be great to just get the meat of it all so you can get started faster? Well, the good news is, today you can download a guide called the Product Creation Formula Quickstart Guide. It’s as the title suggests - a Quickstart guide. You’ll get a list of action steps to take right away. Download your copy today !

    Nr 10. Would you like to finally USE all of that dusty PLR you have sitting around on your harddrive? Or maybe find the resources for the best PLR available - at the best prices? What about how to use that PLR to make you money with just a few minutes of work. Well, you’re not going to want to miss this!

      Nr 11. Buzzfeed’s top post has more than 21 million views. Think about that for a sec… ONE of their articles has had over 21 million people who have read it! And they have thousands of articles... what would you do with that kind of traffic? A friend of mine hacked their method and was able to use it to get 11,592 targeted new subscribers in 2 weeks on their very first attempt!

    Nr 12. Push notifications are one of today's hottest trends in website traffic and conversions, and for good reason. Studies have shown that as many as 40% of people will opt-in for push notifications, which is about TEN TIMES the rate of people who opt-in for emails! That’s huge! Not only that, but they're also highly effective at pulling clicks, as well. Some studies have shown CTR at an average of around 40%, with highs of as much as 80%! Again, that’s huge!

    Nr 13. Would you like to know how to get more money from the exact same number of website visitors you’re currently getting? Even if you’re website is getting as few as 1-2 visitors a day, this report will show you how to increase your profits using these few handy hacks.

    Nr 14. People have now realised that it's not the size of the list which matters, it's the quality. ... and the only way to create a quality list is by launching your own products. Let it be $7 ebooks, $17 info products, $27 video training product or software's... all of these work. My good friend Kevin Fahey has is revealing how he's launched over 20 products in the past 4 years, many of them top sellers. Needless to say he's banked a handsome amount in this time.

    Nr 15. Do you ever feel that the man you like or even love, just doesn't see you or desire you in way you want him to? Or... maybe you're able to get a man's attention though not the right kind of attention? Or... maybe you're still single because you wait and wait for men to approach you first? What you may not know is that the way we flirt will either attract the "wrong" man for us or the "right" man.

    Nr 16. When it comes to getting sales and leads online, there is ONE thing that 95% of marketers use... it's called a LIST. My friend Jimmy just released a free book that explains WHY a list is important and how YOU can build your own list. It's available right here (and it won't cost you a penny)

    Nr 17. If you have tried everything, and still aren't able to get your Ex back, then you need to pay attention.

    Nr 18. What if I told you that you could make ANY woman WANT to do ANYTHING for you? Would you think I'm crazy? Well... what If I told you that you could also make her LOVE every minute of it and come back for more?


    Nr 19. I have a special free plugin for you today. It's called "Covert Hover Mini"

    This plugin will triple your blog traffic by compelling your visitors to share your images on social media. This is some really clever stuff and it works like a charm. After you grab your free plugin, don't  forget to read the free bonus report as it will show exactly how and why this strategy works like crazy.

    Nr 20. The days of being able to get away with a basic WP theme and a pic or two are gone, your site needs to look good. Even Google are looking for you to have engaging graphics on your site. But getting good quality graphics made for your site is a pain, AND it will cost you both time and money (if you outsource it). But I have a special free download for you today. A virtual treasure chest of over 21K profit pulling graphics you can start sing today to generate more traffic & sales!

    Nr 21. 20 professional full HD background videos. These background videos are perfect for giving your videos that extra kick they need to stand out from the crowd Oh yeah they are in full 1080p HD too, I hope you'll enjoy them.

    Nr 22. If you've ever failed to create a WordPress site of your own or typically waste hours & even weeks trying to figure it all out on your own....

    Nr 23. No doubt, you've seen all of the video launches lately! There is a reason for it... Video marketing is a GREAT way to make money, and with the recent creation tools making it super accessable for anyone to get started... It's no surprise that more people are making videos. However... there is a missing element to most video marketing products...

    Nr 24. For the first time ever... You can get the straight scoop on how someone is selling over $1,000,000/year of t-shirts on Facebook!

    Use them  .... and have fun !