5 Heartbreaking Side Effects Of The Opioid Crisis In America

January 23, 2018

People have been getting loaded ever since Julius Wine ate all those bad grapes, and we’re mostly OK with it. Sure, we have that War on Drugs business, but as long as dealers aren’t shooting each other within our immediate vicinity, we tend to put our heads in the sand about the whole matter. But prescription opioid painkillers, our latest drug epidemic, are a different beast entirely, affecting everyone from…

Read More >>

6 Signs That Disney Is Trying To Take Over The World

January 18, 2018

Proven fact: About 40 percent of all your happy memories have been brought to you by the Walt Disney Company. With almost a century’s worth of wholesome entertainment, Disney has become one of the most powerful — and more importantly, most beloved — brands in existence. But behind the happy Technicolor facade, the Mouse is cooking up megalomaniac schemes even their own copyrighted supervillains would admire. Between constantly developing invasive…

Read More >>

4 Sex Positions That Can Double As Workout Moves

January 17, 2018

Maybe once a year Every so often, you discover a new workout class or get a weird burst of energy at 5pm (LOL), and working out feels amazing all on its own. Mostly, though, working out is difficult and painful, and only made worthwhile by the coveted goal of looking good—specifically, looking good naked, which is really the Catch 22 here (I’m not using that right and don’t quote me). As…

Read More >>

Why There’s No Excuse For Bad Special Effects

January 17, 2018

You and your family gather around the living room for the annual tradition of watching the original RoboCop. Everything seems to be going well until RoboCop shoots Dick Jones so hard that he flies out of the window and mutates into a clay abomination on the way down. Warner Bros. Pictures … and it isn’t because “Well, it’s from 2005.” It’s because even though that movie cost $207 million to…

Read More >>

The Creepy Rape Fantasy That Keeps Showing Up In Sci-Fi

January 14, 2018

Last year taught us that everyone in Hollywood needs years of rigorous training on how sexual consent works, and some should be getting said training behind walls of concrete and barbed wire. But beyond the behind-the-scenes scandals, we should talk about how the movies and shows they make are so often crafted to appeal to the creepiest rape fantasies. That can’t be good for us, right? And when it comes…

Read More >>

Golden Globes 2018 Recap: Women Are Tired Of Your Sh*t

January 12, 2018

Welcome to awards season, Betches. We kicked off the happiest time of year last night with the 75th annual Golden Globes, God’s gift to those of us who love to watch the most famous people in the world get wasted on thousands of bottles of Moët and pretend they’re happy for the award winners. Given the current political climate and post-Reckoning world that Hollywood exists in, there was a lot…

Read More >>

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap Youll Ever Read: Week 2

January 12, 2018

After watching the Golden Globes Sunday night, I’m feeling like this is a good week to be a woman. I just watched Oprah give her first presidential campaign speech inspire people with her acceptance speech, and now literally anything can happen. Everyone, we are so fucking blessed. So after a night of watching women lift up other women, I guess it’s time to tune in for a night of women…

Read More >>

Luann De Lesseps Allegedly Tried To Jump Out Of A Moving Car

January 1, 2018

The holidays are a time that’s all about giving, and the story behind Luann de Lesseps’ arrest last weekend just keeps on giving. Earlier this week, we got all the juicy details about why she got arrested, but it turns out Luann wasn’t done with the crazy shit once she got in the police car. The official police report about the case contains the new information that Luann allegedly fucking…

Read More >>

Meghan Trainor Got Engaged To The Most Random Actor From Our Childhood

December 30, 2017

Christmas is the time of year when all the most annoying people in your life usually decide to get engaged, and apparently famous people are no different. This holiday’s most eyeroll-inducing proposal belonged to none other than our homegirl Meghan Trainor, and like all of her career choices, her choice of fiancé is pretty uninspiring: the dude from . Yeah, dude from . His name is Daryl Sabara, and in…

Read More >>

4 Superhero Movies That Should’ve Dropped The Superheroes

December 29, 2017

Superhero movies have managed to stay fresh by grabbing other genres and sticking superheroes in them. Logan is a Western / road movie in which half of the characters happen to have knife-knuckles. Winter Soldier is an espionage thriller with some Stark tech thrown in. The problem is that you quickly realize that sometimes the superhero stuff is a totally unnecessary layer, there to get us to choke down the…

Read More >>

Somebody Needs To Address These Glaring Issues In ‘The Santa Clause’

December 29, 2017

This week, I was stoned feeling in the Christmas spirit, and obvs turned to Netflix in hopes of finding or that version of with baby Kirsten Dunst some other heartwarming shit. Instead, I found the 1994 film , starring Tim Allen, and you *know* I put that shit on immediately. I hadn’t seen in a while, but I remembered the basic plot: Divorced dad (Tim Allen) accidentally kills Santa, making…

Read More >>

Nick Viall Is Starring In A Christmas Movie That Sounds Hilariously Awful

December 19, 2017

On the 14th day of Christmas my true love gave to me the repeal of net neutrality a new made-for-TV holiday movie starring former four-time star/current single person Nick Viall. Yep, that’s right. The rumors about Nick Viall pursuing an acting career are true, and he’ll be making his debut on something called Ion Television, which is totally not a TV channel he just made up so he can be…

Read More >>

This Was The Single Most Liked Instagram Of 2017

December 10, 2017

It’s December, so that means that there are only 31 days left for 2017 to fuck with us, and it’s officially the start of “Best of 2017” lists. While we all wait for DJ Earworm’s mix, Instagram announced the most liked Insta of the year. That title goes to Beyoncé for her pregnancy announcement pic. Honestly, I could have called this back in February, but whatever. The photo got 11.1…

Read More >>

A Ranking Of The 10 Most Dramatic Celebrity Breakups Of 2017

December 2, 2017

If you brought a new boyfriend home to Thanksgiving and you’re still together as you’re reading this, congratulations. Not everyone can make it, which is why today we’re reminiscing on the most dramatic celebrity breakups of 2017. Cheers to the ones you remember, and pour one out for all the ones you forgot about. It’s been a long year. 8. Katy Perry & Orlando Bloom Resident weirdest girl in school…

Read More >>

5 Ways Disney Can’t Stop Screwing Up Star Wars

November 28, 2017

Star Wars. You love it! You think it’s great. But what if Star Wars stopped being great? That would be bad, right? And bad things aren’t great! Everybody knows that! Seeing as how we’re all in agreement here, let’s talk about the possibility that Disney’s entire strategy for Star Wars might be, as a whole, actually madly deeply verifiably bad. I know it’s painful to fathom such a terrible possibility…

Read More >>

5 Celebrities Who Played Off Terrible Actions As ‘Jokes’

November 27, 2017

As a jokesmith, I spend a lot of my day cracking wise and uppercutting comedy into the further reaches of hilarity, where it explodes in cataclysmic blossoms of chuckles and guffaws. And one of the first lessons they taught me at comedy boot camp (the Lake Titicaca campus) was to never explain a joke. The moment you have to explain a joke, it’s ruined; it’s no longer a joke. The…

Read More >>

5 Reasons Science Fiction Hates Actual Science

November 25, 2017

Science fiction is cool. It’s got lasers, spaceships, and sassy goddamned robots. And sure, there are actual lasers and spaceships and sassy robots in our boring nonfictional world, but they kind of suck, don’t they? They’re all just highlighting interesting facts on whiteboards or vacuuming our rugs instead of fighting space wars like they should be. They’re nothing like the infinitely radder versions you find in sci-fi. Read Next 5…

Read More >>

Meryl Streep And Cher Once Stopped A Crime IRL, & The Story Will Give You Life

November 24, 2017

Fuck the new movie, the real superheroes (superheroines?) are Meryl Streep and Cher, and it’s not because they aged gracefully. While Meryl may be remembered by history as being nominated for an Oscar basically every year since she was born and Cher for bitching out Trump on Twitter, their Wikipedia entries need to incorporate a new fact: they saved a girl from assault once. Meryl was speaking at the International…

Read More >>

7 Foods You Should Avoid At All Costs If You Might Be Having Sex Later

November 19, 2017

Remember when your mom used to tell you to wait like, 20 minutes after eating your hot dog and BBQ chips before jumping back into the pool, but you did it anyway, because what fucking kid from your childhood was actually so weak that they vommed from flopping around in water? LOL jk, #neverforget JOSHUA, the neighborhood pool party fuckup who probably now claims he’s gluten free, drinks Kombucha on…

Read More >>

This Theory About Rose And Jack In ‘Titanic’ Will Have You Shooketh

November 19, 2017

Get ready to party like it’s 1997, because is being re-released in theaters. Because the only way to make Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” more of a tearjerker is with surround sound. Starting December 1, select AMC Theaters will show a re-mastered version of the movie. This is a major upgrade from having to watch the movie on two VHS tapes in 2002. James Cameron has decided this…

Read More >>

What Your Wedding Dress Silhouette Says About You & How Insufferable You Are

November 16, 2017

He popped the question, you Insta’ed and Snapped that shit, and now comes the planning, the stress, the different colored napkins, the fucking flowers, the bridesmaids, the food…and of course, the literal most important part of planning: choosing the dress. We’ve all watched enough fucking times to acknowledge Randy’s place as our spirit animal and the dress’s place as what everyone will be staring at. You could think you’re really leaning…

Read More >>

This Drama Between A Senator And His Neighbor Is Juicier Than Any Kardashian News

November 16, 2017

Neighbors are the goddamned worst. This is not just a common cliché – it is fact. In college, we had our fair share of upstairs neighbors who sounded like their squeaky bedframes were going to break through the ceiling and fall on our faces. That Seth Rogen/Zac Efron movie, , proved that even if you live next door to the most gorgeous human specimen to ever exist (call me, Zac),…

Read More >>

The Best New TV Shows & Movies To Binge On Netflix This November

November 15, 2017

Welp, it’s November. Pretty soon we’ll be saying, “Peace out,” to fall and doing everything we can to brace ourselves for the upcoming winter and holiday season. Two things we can never actually prepare enough for. We’ll all accept the fact that going into hibernation means gaining at least three pounds from all of the family dinners and wine we’ll be drowning in to defrost our bodies and ice cold…

Read More >>

Three Reasons You Should Watch These 18 Underrated Shows

November 14, 2017

We’re making memes smarter. So can you. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get started. There are so many shows and movies out that it’s impossible to know which ones to watch. So we asked our readers to come up with three good reasons to watch their favorite underrated shows. 17 Entry by TedStixon by TedStixon 15 Entry by okojemiako by okojemiako 13 Entry by chunkylemonmilk by chunkylemonmilk 12…

Read More >>

The 5 Most WTF Casting Decisions For Teenage Roles

November 14, 2017

Hollywood hates casting teenagers to play teenagers. This is partly because they can only work a limited number of hours in a day, and partly because ew, teenagers. Because of that, most of the “teenagers” I grew up idolizing were actors and actresses in their 20s or even 30s. Some movies and shows have been able to make it work, but a lot of the time, a “teen” character looks…

Read More >>

How President Trump Has Ruined Comedy

November 4, 2017

My name is Daniel O’Brien. I’ve had sex in over two different countries and engaged in some light, patriotic hand stuff in four. I used to write a weekly column for the comedy website Cracked Dot Com, and now I am its Creative Director of Video and Content Development, because ever since my boss left, there has been no one around to stop me from adding words to my title,…

Read More >>